Relationship - Longing for intimacy
When troubling issues reveal themselves in our relationships we tend to feel unloved or unwanted, which prevents us from communicating with each other. The automatic reaction from the emotional hurt turns into more hurt toward each other. Before we notice small issues change into a major fights and arguments, these become a war and endless power struggle. To many, at this point the relationship feels more like a never-ending nightmare, regardless of what we really want to cultivate with others: belonging, safety, and love.
There is a lot of personal baggage that we carried with us for a long time. This baggage in our unconscious has been rooted in us since the day we were traumatized, usually happening when we were very young. Our minds and bodies remember these painful experiences and would do anything to prevent them from happening again. Since this psychological pain was mainly formed in our close relationships we tend to automatically react to people that are close and important to us (such as our romantic partners, parents, and good friends) in a defensive way. These unconscious defensive reactions protect us but also prevent us from moving towards intimacy and closeness. In other words, we are too busy defending ourselves to remember that in reality, what we really want is to nourishing our love for each other.
In couples therapy these are the issues we address through communication training, practice and exercises and focused experiences.
The possible causes for relationship issues
- Mistrust / Dishonest
- Infidelity / Affairs
- Looking for approval
- Dissatisfied with your sex life
- Controlling impulse
- Insecurity
- Power struggle
- Miscommunication or Lack of communication
- Blame
